As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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