we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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