Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
