The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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