Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
