New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
