i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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