If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
