Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
