look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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