Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
