I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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