Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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