I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
