Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
