Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When are your genitals available?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
