I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
