Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
