Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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