Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
