just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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