K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
