Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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