Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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