So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
