You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
