Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
