I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
