When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
