No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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