who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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