Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
