she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
