The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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