i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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