i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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