there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
