I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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