I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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