Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
