At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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