So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
