Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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