So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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