I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
