we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
