Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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