i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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