I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
