don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
