Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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