dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this will be a night to untag.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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