two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
