If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
40s are totally the cure
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
