I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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