i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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