I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
