My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
