No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The best revenge is premature balding
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
