Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
