I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
