And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
