sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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