Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
