just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
